Listening to: "You're Gonna Go Far Kid" - The Off
Kitty's List of Things to be Done:
- Finish Neshomeh's commission picture (no I haven't forgotten)
- Finish my two-month-old Lor'themar/Halduron fic
- Finish my three-day-old Lor'themar/Halduron/Rommath emotional warfare fic
- Finish and post chapter three of OFUA
- Finish my several-months-old Warriors mission
Kitty's Motivation Level: Below zero.
None. Zip. Nada.
Mostly this is because I'm having a hard time prioritizing between projects. That list up there is my most recent decision, from most to least important, about which project has how much priority. The first four tend to volley first place between each other by the hour, but at least the fifth is pretty consistent.
But recent discussions with individuals who shall here remain unnamed have been sapping my motivation, too. Discussions concerning the appropriate pace and method to produce new stories and art.
Quite frankly, the more I think about it the more disgusted I become and the more thoroughly I set my feet and refuse to budge.
The point of view supported by this person seems to be that writers, at least, should update when their readers feel they should update. When I say I figure the readers won't expect any pattern to my updates, this person responds with, "No, they expect it to have died." When I say I hold back on updating so that my readers are not disappointed when I can't keep to a schedule I never intended to follow, this person counters, "And are instead disappointed that the schedule sucks."
To be blunt: Well fuck you too.
I am really, really tired of the audience believing they can control the artists/writers/singers/entertainers whose work they enjoy. Really tired.
They are not the ones sitting at their computers or at their desks and working literally hours on end to create decent, well-written stories or poems or lyrics. They are not the ones beating themselves up because they have managed to hit a snag in an otherwise brilliant story in which they have become emotionally invested. They are not the ones who either spend days or weeks or months creating characters who, as time passes and the creation period draws to a close, become like children to them. They are not the ones who fight against what they want and instead sometimes force themselves to write scenes that break their hearts all in the name of keeping true to a canon character's canon personality.
They are not the ones who spend hours or days hunched over the same picture, worrying over every line and every tiny detail until they can't see straight and their backs and necks and wrists and fingers ache so bad even morphine couldn't dull the pain. They are not the ones who spend nights on end looking at far superior art and loathing the pictures they are working on and despising themselves for not having that talent and literally coming to the verge of tears because they cannot understand why they possess so little motivation to improve their own skills. They are not the ones who are ashamed to post anything anywhere because they lack either the artistic talent or the equipment necessary to produce decent-quality pictures, but do so anyway because they promised a friend or three.
Most importantly? They are not the ones who devote literally hours at a time to creating pieces of art to be seen and judged and hopefully appreciated by the few people who actually pay attention to them for even a moment.
But none of that matters, because apparently your audience is your fucking god when you publish things. Yep, doesn't matter that it's your idea, your imagination, your time, your energy, at the end of the day the audience gets to decide when you update ongoing projects, what you do next, and whether or not you write what you want to write or draw what you want to draw.
Great. Wonderful. It's so good to know I am a slave to people I don't know and only choose to entertain at all because I value their opinions on my work, since taking into consideration their unbiased opinions are how I can best improve my work. I never knew that before.
So I guess I'll either never update again or find people to talk to who do not have their heads up their asses and who do not happily wear the leash and collar they feel their audience - if they have any, because according to their comment of, "Also, what readers?" when I first broached the subject, I certainly don't, because they apparently don't feel anyone who comments on their work is actually reading their work and somehow this applies to me, too - has put on them.
Actually, no, I know something even better: I will continue to post and update when I see fit, and if anyone wants to get pissy with me about it, I hope they're ready for me to shove their bullshit right back down their throats and point them to the door.
And if anyone's wondering if I'm worried I'll scare folks off talking like this, guess what? I'm not earning money through my work anyway, and if they really appreciate my work, they shouldn't get their underdrawers in a twist when they see me post something designed to vent my irritation.
All I'm asking for is a little respect from those who choose to observe and read rather than create and share. I honestly do not understand why the hell no one else understands why this is an important thing for me.